


running on empty

by avapacifica



Series: October Writing Challenge 2020 [9]
Category: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Brother Feels, Brotherly Bonding, Brothers, Bubba and Grandpa are mentioned, Canon Disabled Character, Comfort, Dreams and Nightmares, Family, Gen, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Trauma, Veterans, Vietnam War, i didn't tag major character death but it does include dealing with nubbins death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26922214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avapacifica/pseuds/avapacifica
Summary: after returning from vietnam, chop top is different. nightmares happen every night, and drayton is unprepared, left to deal with them.
Relationships: Drayton Sawyer & Robert "Chop Top" Sawyer
Series: October Writing Challenge 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948126
Kudos: 17





	running on empty

**Author's Note:**

> Day 9: Nightmare  
> title is from a Used song

Drayton wakes up to Bobby’s screams, like he does almost every night now. When he came back home, he had told everyone he was dealing with a fair bit of PTSD. Drayton didn’t think it would interfere with his sleep schedule so heavily though. 

He doesn't want to be angry. Bobby is home and the fact that Drayton is getting annoyed by anything he’s doing adds to the guilt that already eats away at him. He didn’t try hard enough to make him stay home, and now that he’s finally back, he should just appreciate that he’s alive. 

All Drayton wanted was normalcy. Of course their family wasn’t ever truly normal. But Nubbins is gone, and no matter how much Bobby drags his corpse around, he ain’t coming back. And then there’s Bobby. He wants to go by Chop Top now, which Drayton started out vehemently against, but slowly let his own feelings subside for the sake of his brother’s. He had always been eccentric, but the war had changed him. Finally there’s Bubba. And he’s, well, Bubba. He supposes Grandpa is the same, but he’s not really one to hold a conversation with.

Exhausted, because working all day is very long and nights with Chop Top are the same, Drayton rubs his eyes, ready for the whole routine to start again. Sometimes he wishes Bubba wasn’t such a damn heavy sleeper, he’s sure his baby brother would be more than happy to help. 

He gets out of bed, and tiptoes through the hallway. He knows all the boards that will creak. Bubba may be a heavy sleeper, but if Grandpa wakes up that’ll be a whole other mess Drayton will have to deal with. As if he doesn’t have enough on his plate.

Unluckily for him, Chop Top’s room is the farthest away. As he slips through the house, he counts all the things that are going to need cleaning before he heads to the station in the morning. Dusting, sweeping, picking up a lamp that got knocked over. (Really boys?) To think that Nubbins liked to say that he didn’t do anything for the house, Drayton’s the one that keeps it all running. The thought still pains his heart, any reminder of Nubbins does that. 

After what seems like an eternity, he reaches Chop Top’s door. He opens it as slow as he’s able, but it still creaks, and he cringes in return.

“You up?” he calls into the darkness. Ever since his return, Chop Top has insisted on keeping his windows shut and a nightlight in the corner. From Drayton’s perspective, the bed is completely blackened. For all he knows, he could’ve gotten up by now. He lowers his breathing, and only then does he hear the heavy gasping coming from the room’s corner. “Quiet down before you wake your grandpa.” 

He doesn’t mean for it to sound so harsh, it’s only habit. He means to leave after he says it as well, but Drayton doesn’t get a response. It leaves him with a bad feeling deep in his gut, and he can’t shake it. Against his instincts, he steps inside the room, painstakingly aware of the click of the door behind him. He goes up to the wall that the lump under the covers is facing, leaning against it.

“Now listen Bobby-”

“It’s Chop Top.” He cuts him off, turning on his other side. Drayton doesn’t bother rounding the bed to have a better view of him, mostly in fear that he’ll just turn away again.

“Alright. Listen Chop Top. I know Vietnam was tough, if I coulda gone in your place you know I would’ve. But this isn’t healthy for either of us. I’ve lost so much sleep the last few months, I ain’t even the one with the trauma. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” Every second that passes where his brother doesn’t respond feels like a punch to his chest, and another crack in his heart. 

“I’ve been doing some reading. I don’t know how much of it is bullshit and what’ll actually help, but I figure we may as well try anything to heal you. It’s all about creating routines, having a schedule. And don’t worry too much about work, me and Bubba can bring home food just fine while you’re getting better.”

“I-I wasn’t dreaming ‘bout ‘Nam.” Well now Drayton feels stupid. He opened up to the kid when he wasn’t even upset about what he thought he was upset about. “It was about Nubbins.” All the reading in the world couldn’t help him now, even hearing his late brother’s name sets Drayton on the verge of spiraling.

“I keep seeing it over and over in my mind, him gettin’ run over and all.”

“But you didn’t see it happen.” Drayton reasons. He knows he’s being a bit hypocritical, the image of Nubbins being crushed circulates through his mind on the daily as well. Chop Top hums in response. 

“Bubba had to though.” 

“Now don’t you worry about your brother, you just focus on yourself.” Drayton sits down on the bed next to him, breathing a sigh of relief when he doesn’t move farther away. “Way I see it, you’re allowed to be selfish right now.” Chop Top turns back towards him. Drayton knows that look anywhere, he’s about to ask for something. It’s okay though. He hasn’t seen that face since before Bobby left.

“Could we get me a w-wig?” That’s all? He has to laugh.

“You want a wig? I thought you loved that damn thing.” Drayton exclaims, gesturing towards the plate. 

“I do.” Chop Top admits sheepishly, “But wigs are nice. I do miss my f-full head a’ hair.”

“Sure, we can get you a wig.” Drayton tells him, patting his shoulder. He goes to stand, before his brother speaks behind him.

“Hey Dray?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you get me some milk?” He’s not asking out of laziness. He knows Drayton will throw a fit if Grandpa wakes up and no one knows the floorboards better than his older brother.

“Sure.” Drayton smiles, and takes his leave. It’s a childish request, but it reminds him of when their father had abandoned them at their grandparents all those years ago. That was a bad night for all of them. It hit the twins the hardest though, (Bubba was so young, and Drayton was able to box off his feelings for the time being,) they had been crying the whole time. He had gotten them milk then too. Maybe that’s what Chop Top was thinking about when he asked for it, or maybe it’s just a comfort to him. With all he’s been through, Drayton’s happy to oblige.

Him and Nubbins had slept in the same bed that night. If he were still here he might be the one comforting his twin right at this moment.

Drayton makes his way downstairs, following yet another similar path. The milk is easy to reach, and there’s a clean glass, two things he’s grateful for. He’s able to be back in Chop Top’s room in under three minutes. Too long for the veteran apparently, he’s already snoring by the time he gets back. 

It’s a hot night, so Drayton takes a miscellaneous newspaper, folding it into a makeshift coaster. He places it with the milk on the bedside table, in case Chop Top wakes up in the middle of the night with the same desire for the drink. He might yell at him in the morning for messing up one of his papers, but it’s not worth ruining one of the tables over.

“Goodnight Bobby.” Drayton lingers in the door for a moment, using his brother’s original name both out of habit and to see if he’s truly asleep. When a minute or so has passed, he takes his leave. The knots in his stomach are a little looser. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed, despite the sadness. kudos and comments are always appreciated, feedback makes my day!


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